I don’t do this whole ignoring bullshit. If you don’t want to talk to me, then fucking use your words and say it. Don’t ignore me. Don’t fucking use one worded replies. Express through words. Communicate. Goddamn.
You have no idea of how terrified I get whenever I hear your heavy breathing at night, how scared I become when you tell me how tired you are… that you think you’re getting too old and need constant rests throughout the day… of how the rush of fear electrifies my bones when I hear you talking about how soon you think you farewell will be…
Oh mother, you have no idea how comforting or how soothing the sound of your snoring is… how it repeatedly goes on and off in my mind to remind me that your heart is still beating… that you’re still alive and not leaving me alone ― all by myself… any time soon.
Oh mother, you have no idea of how frightened I am to wake up one day and find out you’re gone… how horrified I am to exist in a world that you don’t happen to exist in anymore. You’ll never come across the slightest amount of how much it worries me when you go to sleep; fearing that you won’t wake up the next day… that there won’t be ‘you’ in the universe any longer.
I don’t know how to keep my breathing still without you being in my life. I need you mom… to keep me whole and complete. I need you so much it fucking hurts. Please don’t ever leave me. I’m begging you.
I love you more than I’ve ever loved any one or any thing.